Therefore I reserve the right to not bother with an update today because I always love a good excuse not to do anything. And just when I had committed to an update every three days system too. Don’t worry, I plan to stick with that.
But, now now, don’t be too upset. I’ll give you a small treat. My five favourite search terms people have used to find and visit Infomercial Agony.
Read on for riches, and plentiful references to bosoms.
1. who is that old guy on the juicer commercials
The answer, of course, is Jack LaLanne. Well, it might be the Juiceman, but I haven’t covered him yet (and I likely never will) so let’s assume it’s our man, Jack.
What I like about this is the questioning nature and details. You see, if I was searching, I would search something like “juicer infomercial host”. It’s cold and Spartan. But this user asks with the innocence I used when I was a kid and I would literally ask Jeeves on Ask Jeeves. Google is not only asked for information but is given further information as the guy this visitor is looking for is old. Honestly, I feel this visitor’s spirit of cooperation between humanity and technology is much sunnier and happy than my own detached version of searching.
2. internet millions bimbos
I was going to make a defiant statement that as a hardened feminist, I am disgusted by the use of the word ‘bimbo’ to describe Carmen Palumbo and Stacey Hayes. Then I looked at my Shortcuts to Internet Millions article and realised it took me around 23 seconds before I did it myself. Shit.
Still, if I were searching, I would have used the terms “hosts”, not “bimbos”. Does this mean I am a better person than this visitor? Yes, if they don’t care that I said that and will continue to come here. No, if not.
3. antonio internet shortcuts
Thank you Antonio for visiting my humble blog.
Antonio's lack of a super technical background did not preclude him for being the only man in the world to search for him.
4. magic bullet mimi boobs
Has anyone ever come to this place for reasons besides pornography? The answer is obviously no.
This search term confirms one of two things. Either Mimi Umidon is more known for her role in the Magic Bullet infomercials or, more basely, her appearance in the Magic Bullet infomercials is considered more attractive than her WalkFit counterpart. Although her latter appearance is indeed more conductive to foot fetishists.
5. Carmen Palumbo’s boobs are how big
Uh, well, I don’t know. I’m sure it makes an interesting trivia piece but if you like her boobs, does it matter? But perhaps it does matter. What if this visitor is planning to make a Carmen Palumbo sex doll out of an inner tube, two balloons and one of those fake vibrating vaginas? How much should this man inflate the balloons? It’s important, dammit!
Once our erstwhile visitor figures this out, I anticipate he’ll back with a new search term “I can find strands of Carmen Palumbo’s hair where?” Freak.
See you in three days!
I'm the guy who nit-picks all of this paid programming crap and twists them out of distortion because it gives me pleasure to do so. I am a natural nit-picker so this gig suits me just fine.